Sunday, March 8, 2015

Mary Phillips 1848-1916



Seth Sillmon
Mary Phillips 1848-1916
Author’s Note: This story is an expansion of the cemetery writing exercise that we did in class, about the fictional life of Mary Phillips. The time frame will be set in the era in which she lived (1848-1916) and will be set in Opelika, Alabama. I plan on tying this story in with my first by making Mary’s granddaughter, Ava, the owner of the boutique that Leonard’s older brother, Gary, had stolen the coat from. I don’t know how strong this will tie in with my first story, but I’m hoping that I’m able to do it well.
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Ava walked up the stairs with a saucepan of cold water just a few degrees away from ice. She had dipped the cloth in it and also brought a bowl of soup to remedy the fever. Mary was lying there in her bed, motionless and silent. Her eyes were half open and her mind had trotted away in a trance. Upstairs in her bedroom, Mary was accompanied by Bessie, her house cleaner and cook, sitting on her opposite side. Julie ringed the cloth in cold water out, folded it, and placed it on Mary’s forehead. She stirred the potato and onion soup and blew on it to cool it down.
“Grandmother, it’s time for your soup,” Ava said.
But she received no response from Mary, who had been in this state of mind for almost two days. The soup from that morning that Mary didn’t eat was still on the round table, cold and stiff.
“You go on and get some sleep, honey. I’ll watch her tonight,” Bessie said.
“No, I want be by her side when it happens,” Ava said.
Ava walked over to the dresser and grabbed Mary’s pearl handled hairbrush that was lying next to the mirror. She picked up Mary’s triangular emerald earrings and walked over to the bed and sat by her side. She began stroking her grandmother’s gray & brown hair slowly and gently while staring into her eyes. She put the emerald earrings on her grandmother and headed over to her closet. Mary had an expansive wardrobe, but Ava knew exactly what dress Mary would prefer to be buried wearing. It was a satin, royal blue, long-sleeved gown that Mary kept at the front of her closet surrounded by a plastic covering. It had gems lined along the sleeve and around the foot of the gown. Ava took it out and removed the covering.
“Will you go drop this by Stinson’s Cleaner’s before they close at 7,” Ava said, “It’s almost dusk and I want it to be as clean as possible.”
“Sure thing honey. I’ll go put on some tea before I leave too, watch it for me,” Bessie said.
“Thank you,” Ava replied.
Mary’s fever wasn’t getting any better and Ava knew it. Bessie knew it. And even Mary knew it. That may have been the reason why Mary consciousness had wandered into territories of her mind that she had nearly forgotten about.
First, Mary remembered when she was a girl. She grew up in the thicket of the forest surrounded by pine and oak trees. Her hair was dandelion gold until she was 11, and the pollen would often blend in with her hair. She used her imagination and made fun with the animals and the forest that surrounded her. Her mother was a wild flower who often dreamed too much and her father was a cluster of weeds. He worked at a steel factory in the early morning and left a few hours into the afternoon. Her mother believed women could leave the house and work too, and found employment as a seamstress a few miles into town. Her mother worked late hours into the night and sometimes wouldn’t get home until seven or eight. She remembered those nights the most, for those were the nights she would sit on her father’s lap on the back porch. He would stoke her hair and rub her shoulders, tenderly. He would press his tongue against her teeth and she would close her eyes. She would bleed in his lap and he would whisper in her ear not to cry. She remembered the taste of whiskey in the back of her throat and would run to her room and pretend she was asleep when her mother came home.
Mary’s was a popular woman in the growing town of Opelika, Alabama. She was well liked and known by many of the citizens in the community. She had taught in the town for nearly 45 years before she had retired, and most of her students had fallen in love with the wisdom she had passed on to them. When word got around of her dwindling health, many former students would stop by to see her. That evening two of her students came by to pay their respects to their former teacher before her passing. Ava heard them pound away at the door, and scurried down the staircase to greet them. It was Gemariah and Blythe Dixon; Mary had taught Gemariah when he was a little fellow. He nestled under her wing for guidance because his own mother had passed away at birth and she showed him affection as if he were her own.
“Hello, how are y’all this evening?” Ava said.
“We’re” doing fine, how’bout you folks? How is she?” Gemariah said.
“Why don’t y’all come on in,” Ava said.
The Dixon’s walked in to the dimly lit, antebellum-styled townhouse that Mary inherited from her Father-in-law.
“She’s not looking too good, Gem. Doc says nothings bringing the fever down. He told me to keep giving her remedies, but they ain’t doing nothing for her,” Ava said.
Ava’s eyes began to well up and Gemariah pulled out a silky red handkerchief to wipe her eyes for her.
            “Do you mind if we see her, Ava? Is she awake right now?” Blythe asked.
            “Yes, ma’am. Follow me please,” Ava said.
Ava and the Dixons walked up the stairs to Mary’s bedroom. The room had a very dim, peaceful lighting to it. It was a chilly due to both of the windows being open to help keep Mary cool. Mary’s eyes were still half open, which puzzled the Dixons as to whether she was sleeping or not.
            “Is she awake,” Gemariah asked.
“I’m not sure. Her eyes have never fully closed since I’ve been here, and she won’t answer any of my questions,” Ava said.
            “Oh, is there anything we can do for you, honey?” Blythe asked.
“No, ma’am, not at the moment. I’ve just been tending to her and Doc comes over every other day with some fever syrup.”
“How long have you been here? Have you had any sleep, Ava,” Blythe asked.
“I got here on Monday, as soon as Bessie let me know how she was doing. I haven’t had a good sleep since I’ve been here though.”
“How long were your travels?” Gemariah asked.
“It took me 2 days to get here. I boarded a train from Mooresville, on up in north Alabama. It’s Steven’s hometown and we just built a house up there.” Ava said.
“Is he down here too? We hate that we didn’t get a chance to meet him at the wedding,” Blythe said.
“No, ma’am he couldn’t get off from his boss. I came alone,” Ava said.
“Are you working up there with him? If you ever need some money, we can always help you out,” Gemariah said.
“We just inherited his mother’s old shop and I want to fix it up to sell clothes, maybe. I ain’t sure just yet.”
“You mean you ain’t going to teach like Mary did? She was good one, Ava,” Gemariah said.
“No, I don’t have the patience like she had,” Ava said jokingly.
“Boy, she and Elizabeth were some good teachers,” Gemariah said.
“But you know that other teacher had a reputation though,” Blythe said.
Shockingly, Mary let out groan after hearing Elizabeth’s name; the first sound she had made in over four days. The three turned to her to see if she would speak.
“Grandmother, can you hear me? Speak to me,” Ava said.
But Mary wouldn’t reply. Her eyes were still half open, looking forward, while simultaneously looking backwards.
Mary remembered when she was a young woman. She was tall and thin with the frame of a mannequin. Her hair was a sandy-brown, and came past her bosom. She was bitter and silent, until she had met Elizabeth, Liza for short. She and Liza both worked as teachers in the small town a few miles away from the forest. Mary had left the forest and moved in with her aunt and uncle. She and Liza would stay late after classes and tell jokes to each other. They would exchange gifts and have picnics in the field. Liza would read Shakespeare to Mary in the field and she would rest her head in Liza’s lap. Liza would stroke her long, wavy hair, and gaze into her eyes and Mary would gaze back into Liza’s emerald eyes. Mary found refuge in Liza. Liza’s father had also made her bleed in his lap, and Liza vowed to never let a man touch her again once she left his home. Liza would grab Mary with one hand on her waist and another behind her ear and press her lips against hers. Mary waltzed in this euphoria for only a brief moment, until she had lost Liza to cholera. Mary was distraught.
            Mary didn’t make another sound and her breathing had returned back to normal. The Dixon’s though it would be best to give her Ava some privacy. They left with a “We’re here for you” type of look in their eyes. As Ava was preparing to get some more cold water for Mary, she heard another feeble knock on the door. It was Mayor Merle Mullins who had come to see Mary in her statue-like state.
            “Hello, how are you sir,” Ava greeted him.
“I’m doing fine myself, how are you young lady?” Merle said, taking it upon himself to walk in the house.
“Well, trying to hold up the best I can. I’m assuming you’re here to see my grandmother too?”
“Why yes, I apologize. I’m Merle. Merle Mullins; I’m the mayor here in Opelika.”
“Nice to meet, Mr. Mullins, I’m Ava, her granddaughter. I’m assuming my grandmother taught you as well?”
“Oh no, Mary never taught me. I just knew of her in the town like everyone else. You mind if I see her.”
“Sure, come on upstairs,” Ava said.
Ava and Merle walked up the stairs to see Mary. She was still lying there as dusk approached and her eyes had yet to close. The temperature continued to drop and Ava closed a window to keep it from getting too cold in the room.
            “How long has she been like this,” Merle asked.
            “A couple of days now. She doesn’t seem to be getting any better though.”
“Boy she’s still gorgeous, ain’t she? That’s where you get your looks from. I sure was wild for Mary back in our day,” Merle said trying to make light of the situation.
“Well thank you,” Ava said.
Merle sat down on the bed next to the motionless Mary, and began to lightly stroke her face while looking at her eyes, also puzzled as to if she was awake or not.
“Oh Mary, if only I had got to you like Clayton did, you’d be all mine,” Merle said smiling.
Mary let out another groan after hearing Clayton’s name, and even slightly tried to pull her face away from Merle’s cold fingers.
            “I’d prefer if you didn’t touch her, please sir,” Ava said.
Merle got up and he and Ava both looked at Mary to see if she would say something. But she didn’t.
Mary remembered when she first met Clayton. He was taller than her, and would tip his hat as he walked past her in the town. He eventually would begin to smile at her and ask her “How are you this morning?” only to no reply. Many of the men of Opelika would try to woo her. But it wasn’t until Clayton had waited for her outside of her classroom one day with a handful of wild daisies, that she returned his smile with a “Thank you, I’m Mary.” She remembered their first date. He had appeared one evening at her aunt and uncle’s town house that she had moved into. He was wearing a black suit and she floated down the stairs to meet him, wearing a gorgeous, silk-blue gown that Liza had given her before she died. He stared at her as if she were in angel in blue. She looked into his green eyes, grabbed his hand and they walked down the steps together.

Ava had asked Merle to leave, feeling as though he had over stayed his welcome. She walked over to one of Mary’s book shelves that contained some of Ava’s favorite stories as a child. They were all signed with the initials E.P. which stood for Elizabeth Phillips, Ava’s mother. Ava didn’t know her mother and had only known Mary to be the grandmother that raised her. She picked up a yellow and green book with a picture of an elf on the cover and walked over to Mary’s bedside. She sat next to her and began reading a few lines from the book. Mary didn’t make a sound this time, but Ava’s reading triggered something else. She looked at Mary to see her eyes begin to well up with tears. They built up and strolled down her cheeks, and Ava wiped them away. Mary never said a word nor did she blink. Ava didn’t ask her anything this time, she just kissed her grandmother on the cheek and got up to put the book back.
Mary then remembered the birth of her first and only daughter. Her name was Elizabeth and she was the center of Mary’s universe. When Mary moved in with Clayton, she didn’t have to work anymore. Mary would stay at home and braid daisies in Elizabeth’s hair. She would read stories to her about fantasy lands where trolls and elves wandered. She would lift her up on her on her shoulders and walk around the house. She would dance with Elizabeth in the grass and they both would lie in the field and look up at the clouds and she would whisper in Elizabeth’s tiny ear “My darling, I’ll make sure you never bleed on anyone’s lap.”
Ava heard the door open and close downstairs. It was Bessie who had returned from the cleaners. Bessie walked up the stairs to see Ava still trying to stay awake next to her grandmother.
“How’s she been?” Bessie asked.
“Well I finally got a response from her. She didn’t say anything, just moaned as if she were going to speak, but just couldn’t get the words out. Some folks who know her came by to see her.”
“Yeah, people have been stopping by all week to see her while she’s still fighting the fever. I’ve just been asking them to keep her in their prayers,” Bessie said.
“Bessie, tell me something. How long do you think she’s got?” Ava asked.
“Truthfully child, I don’t know. If I could guess, only a few more days,” Bessie said.

Ava walked back over to Mary and sat be her side. Ava’s eyes began to well up and she leaned at an angle so that she would be looking directly in her grandmother’s eyes.
“Grandmother, I don’t know if you can hear me or not, but I love you, and I don’t want to lose you. I don’t know if I’ll be able to tell you this again while you’re still here with me, but please, please don’t leave me. You’re all I have,” Ava said.
Mary’s eyes began to well up again, and this time she actually began to blink as well to hold the tears back. She began to moan again, this time a little louder than before and seemed to try and mouth words to Ava and Bessie. He body was lightly shaking and Ava grabbed her hand and looked in her eyes. Mary still struggled to get any words out of her mouth.
Mary remembered the birth of Ava her first and only granddaughter. Mary was by Elizabeth’s side during the birth, because Elizabeth was alone. She remembered how Elizabeth kept wavering between this world and the next during childbirth. She told Elizabeth to “Hold on, dear,” but before she knew it, Elizabeth had flown away in the clouds liker her father Clayton. Mary wondered what Elizabeth saw in the next world that would make her want to leave, and not come back. Mary looked in Ava’s tiny eyes and vowed to love her the way she knew Elizabeth would have. She would cuddle Ava by the fireplace in her big lonely townhouse and when she looked into her green eyes and she would see Clayton. She would look out the window and look into her green eyes again and this time see Liza. She would read Elizabeth’s favorite stories to Ava on the front porch in the summers, and they would drink lemonade and watch the honey bees fly near their toes. Mary remembered all of these things.

“Grandmother? Grandmother?” Ava said.
            Mary was still shaking and trying to mouth words that wouldn’t come out. Bessie had grabbed another cool cloth and placed it on Mary’s head. They both grabbed Mary by each of her hand and stared at her waiting for her to say something.
“You’re not alone, Grandmother. And you never will be.”
Mary finally was able to croak out “A-A-Ava” and then she closed her eyes. Mary had went on to the next world to greet Elizabeth.

9 comments:

  1. This story’s imagery (especially in the front) and dialogue and complexity feel much stronger than your first story. The characters and their relationships feel alive in several ways, which shows an impressive imagination on your part. I found the recurring child-like phrase, “bleed in his lap,” to be particularly interesting and chilling. How indirect it is seems to express the trauma the phrase suggests. I’m wondering what the relationship of this to the overall story is, though. Is it supposed to show how Mary has protected Ava from the trauma that seemed more prevalent in the past? If so, try bringing this out more. The phrase repeats three times, which makes it seem more important than, as far as I can tell, it currently is to the story.

    Wondering about this makes me ask what exactly your story is about. It seems like Mary is the central focus, though she cannot be the narrator (and thus Ava takes this role). The story, then, has to be about Ava in some important way. I can’t seem to find what the story means to Ava or what exactly Mary’s death means to her. Mary was obviously important in her life—a role model, even—but Ava gives no real indication of how the death affects her. The story reads more like a still life layered with snapshots of Mary’s life more than it feels like a conflict-change story. This isn’t necessarily bad, but I think it could help your story if you tied Mary’s death back into Ava’s life. Consider using the “bleed” line/experiences in this part.

    A few confusions: You named the daughter and Mary’s friend Elizabeth, though Elizabeth didn’t seem important enough in the story to have Mary name a daughter after her. I was confused then, about how many Elizabeths were in your story. You can clarify this easily.

    Who is Bessie?

    How old is Ava?

    What time of day is it if Ava’s so sleepy but everyone is coming to visit? Show sunlight coming through the windows or something similar.

    Also, the face stroking (especially by Ava), seemed a little sentimental. (With Merle, it seemed almost creepy). Just some reactions I figured you might want to be aware of.

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  2. I agree with most of what carson has already said. I did like the recurring line "bleed in his lap" reference, but I wanted you to make it more obviously important. I think you're heading in the right direction with imagery, My biggest suggestion is for you to switch the tense. I think if you switched tenses in the flashbacks or all throughout, it would provoke more action. Because again, Mary is dying, and she can't talk all we get is her thinking, but I think what would be cool is if she is aware of everything around her--- she can't physically respond, but you switch the tense so she's explaiing things from her side and not Ava's. That's assuming your main character is supposed to be Mary.So I like how you linked the visitors to trigger her memories, I think you should still do that but having Mary tell us herself, kind of step outside of her body since .. well she's dying anyway, because the other way around it's a lot of summary. You could use this to talk about Mary losing her daughter Elizabeth, and explain her trauma. I remember you mentioned she fell in love with her teacher in class, so you could bring that in and make it more pronounced.

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  3. The scenes with Eva don’t seem to have any significance except to provide transitions between Mary’s memories. The most radical change I’d suggest is centering the story around Mary, since her memories occupy the bulk of the story, and maybe making the story first-person, though that might be difficult if Mary really is as unresponsive as the beginning of the story would suggest. The reason I suggest changing the point of view is there were several points when the story seems to want to suggest something, but their is no perspective to back it up. For example, the sentence “They left with a ‘We’re here for you’ type of look in their eyes.” I like how you use the chilling phrase “bleed in his lap” to signify so much, of childhood abuse and forced sexual contact. This phrase recurs several times, so I was looking for some deeper significance within it, but this was difficult to find. There are some instances of beautiful language and imagery within Mary’s memories, but I don’t feel a narrative connecting them with Ava’s experiences, and trouble in general striking at the heart of the story. I would dial back the sentimentality between Ava and Mary, especially near the very end. Ava’s choice of her last words to her grandmother being “You’re not alone, Grandmother. And you never will be” sounds nice, but doesn’t really ring true or authentic.

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  4. I agree with Emma in that I think the story should centered around Mary. You might consider changing the point of view so that it is from Mary's perspective. In the times she isn't coherent, I assume she is living out her memories, which would only help the story flow.
    I think it would also help to flesh out the scenes that Mary is reliving. They seem to be told a lot in summary, and it would give a clearer picture of why they meant so much to her if there was more detail and feeling in them.
    Maybe this is a cultural thing, but I have no idea what the phrase "bleeding in someone's lap" means. I understand through context clues that it has something to do with sexual abuse, but I'm unclear on what level, or if "bleeding" has something to do with puberty. Not that it needs to be explicitly spelled out, but I found it a little confusing, especially because it had such significance in the story.
    I like how each memory is brought on by the presence of a new visitor, but I think Merle could be fleshed out a little. He just seems like a device to lead into Mary's memories of Clayton, and like Carson suggested, he feels a little creepy. This made me wonder if he had been a larger part of Mary's life.
    We know from your last story the significance of Liz and Clayton, but we don't get those same explanations here. Flesh those out as well to give Mary's life a more complete feel.

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  5. The structural conceit of your story is really interesting effective. It is a good idea to keep it as this succession of Opelika citizens coming through the house, led by Ava to Mary who is remembering crucial facts about her life. By doing this, there is ample opportunity for development of the town as a community in all of its charms and evils, of Ava in her strange, suspended entrepreneurial function, and for Mary as historical and emotional agent. It has real potential to be a beautiful portrait of this particular moment, contextualized and creatively structured. I thought that the scene with Mayor Merle was very interesting. We have this creepy man basically barging in. We have Mary as this perpetual object of heterosexual attraction, all in defiance of her true passion, but in distinctive ways represented by Clayton and Merle. Then, we learn that her daughter was named Elizabeth, and the scene with the book is all earned sorrow. Mary whispering in her daughter’s ear about the bleeding is a unique, complex moment, and her wondering about the afterlife is the same.
    The paragraph with almost every detail that we get about Liza needs a lot of expansion, though. There is just too much potential there. I see that it is not supposed to be the bulk of the story, but with its obviously foremost importance, it seems rushed. There are so many effective references to the details that we get here. If we get more of a plenitude of details here, the references will serve their purpose better, I think. Toward the end, Ava tells Mary, “you’re all I have.” It does not quite ring true as the story is now. The challenge would be finding a way to get across sufficient amounts of Ava’s current life without really getting too far away from this room on this night and the memories in Mary’s head. I think that you should not fear putting most of it near the start of the story, though. The ending. With what we have read, it has come to almost feel cliché to end a story about an elderly person with an ambiguous, lyrical passage that moves in the general direction of death, but I think that something more like the endings that we studied is appropriate for this story. The totalizing finality and simplicity of what you end on here does not seem to fit what is being said through the rest of the work. The story seems committed to some complex notions of commitment and morality. The porousness of the time period and the dexterity of Mary’s prone agency within the world of the immediate action suggest a less simple philosophy behind its writing, and an ending that supports the enduring aspects of Mary’s life while also nodding to the ubiquity of death might be more resonant and purposeful.

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  6. I really like the way this story is structures, story about a woman dying that looks back on her life. We see many character's that Mary was obviously important to come to the bedside and see her. I wanted this story to show more about why she was important to the towns people. And I wanted to know more about what was going on in Mary's head when she was on her deathbed. I might have preferred to see the narrator's voice change to Mary's first person, and have her reflect on her life (both good and bad) as she does, but I don't know if that's something you decided against for a specific reason. There were certain scenes I liked that I wished you had lingered in more like the kiss between Liza and Mary. All in all, I think there's a lot working here. You've got a character with a very compelling life story and a dark community around her and it makes for an interesting story.

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  7. Seth, there’s a lot of great writing in here. As others have mentioned, the “bleed in his lap” bit works extremely well. The connection back to your first story works just fine, as I don’t think there needs to be too much of an emphasis on that.
    I think your biggest drawback at this point is your focus. There seems to be a split between narrative focus on Ava and Mary, and it doesn’t quite all roll back together. Since there seems to be little more focus on Mary, and the story takes its title from her, your should bring the focus closer to her. I would also suggest changing to first person from Mary’s point of view. That in turn would also really help with some of the thematics you seem to be going for. Overall, I think you’ve got a great story with some wonderful potential.

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  8. I think your story is really great so far. I think you need to have the perspective be completely Mary's. It got a little confusing with the switching of perspectives. I think you don't really need to have Gemeriah and Blythe come visit. They didn't do very much for the story as I think Merle visiting did. I wanted to know more about that situation. I do agree that the scenes need to be taken out of summary and given more actual detail, because they were interesting scenes and I wanted to actually see them happen. I liked the part about Merle touching her and Ava getting uncomfortable with him touching her. I'd like to be more in Mary's head when Merle touches her and see how revolted she is. I also wanted to see more interaction between Ava and Mary, because we get kind of a hint of their relationship, but I wanted to see it not in summary and actually in a scene. I'm really looking forward to seeing what you do with this story.

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  9. Sorry this is late. I hope it's helpful.

    Seth I've enjoyed your stories and your progression as a writer. This story is very interesting and the idea of passing on in both age and experience is what I feel is prominent in this story and honestly I feel it is lacking in it in some parts. The relationship between Ava and Mary is interesting to me. I want you to keep the focus on Mary and her reliving her memories as she slowly passes on but I also want to see what Ava has to say about the constant coming and going of people. I feel you have a great opportunity to tap into how Ava truly is feeling about Mary not only dying but also the notion of what is to happen next. Can she live up to what Mary was in her life? Will she succeed? You can drop hints of this throughout the story as the visitors come though. Over all great story Seth and I look forward to you third.

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